MY LITTLE MONSTER

Category: Apparel

My inspirational story began in one of my friend house which was covered in amazing paintings were filled with strange and childish creatures that deeply fascinated me and brought back memories of my childhood. The paintings were monstrous yet childlike, with scribbles and vibrant colors that transported me back to my childhood as a child who experienced a traumatic event and was treated through art therapy. Art therapy is based on the belief that the process of creating art allows a child to communicate without words, but he could express thoughts and emotions. My process with my fears manifested by monsters under my bed, monsters which coming out from my toilet, or even in my dream's. I expressed myself outwardly through drawings and imaginary stories. My home always provided me with warmth and love. Everything was accompanied by optimistic thoughts, laughter, and humor. When I showed signs of doubts about the past or dealing with death, it caused concern among those around me, leading to conversations with psychologists. As a child, I didn't want to be a burden or a responsibility, so I tried to transform the dark world of death into something more innocent and colorful, through humor or vibrant imagery. Even at home, we dealt with difficult situations with humor and laughter. Serious situations pushed me away, and I chose to escape to the playful place within me, which somehow felt more optimistic. That's why it was very easy for me to identify with the paintings. As I grew older, the fear of external monsters faded, and I began to deal with the small monsters that existed within me. Coping with post-traumatic stress disorder also brought along relationship and concentration problems, ADHD, OCD, anger outbursts, extreme mood swings, and anxiety. Upon reaching adulthood, I started to explore ways to cope with these challenges. I realized that I was not alone, that other people also suffer from these issues without any apparent reason. I understood that it is not shameful to talk about it, to share it, and to cope with it. The present era arouses anxieties in every corner, whether it's the omnipresence of social media, the fast-paced world, or the sudden appearance of COVID-19. Everyone has their own monsters in their heads, and by sharing and raising awareness about them, we can help each other and ourselves specially. Through my design, I want to give space to the small monsters, my fears, and my problems. They are part of who I am today, and by not fearing them, I can cope with them better. It is not shameful to expose them, and it's okay if they sometimes take the forefront. It's also fine to express them in a colorful and optimistic childish way. It's okay to be who we are. In my search for my childhood artwork from that time, I found a whole folder of paintings and comforting letters sent to me by classmates as a farewell gift. The paintings capture the feelings and emotions of children in a naive and innocent way. From an adult perspective, one can understand how children cope with their emotions through creation. I chose to collect the paintings in a collage and create a colorful pattern on a black background. The base of the jacket is made of cowhide leather, on which I digitally printed the pattern I created. The piping tape lines represent the outlines of the beginning of the painting, and the eyes and teeth represent the confrontation with fear. As a child and adult dealing with post-traumatic stress, I always find comfort in engaging with my hands, whether it's with the fabric's texture, a garment's ties, or a piece of paper. It was important for me to incorporate the element of touch in the clothing, so I created a fringe carpet from scraps that would be tactile and also resemble the monster's figure in the sleeves and cuffs. For the outer component, I used old leather items and leftover scraps from local companies to create small leather strips. I cut the strips using a paper guillotine I found at my dad's factory and knitted them all together.

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